Jokes of the Day !!

[Theo9902]

How about posting some jokes here to give some flavours to our boring day?

:D :p

[Aquarian]

Breathalyzer Test
Late one Friday night, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. It's Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five of those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and of course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..." Then, the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"





How about posting some jokes here to give some flavours to our boring day?

:D :p

[Aquarian]

Parachutes

One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying
somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on
board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali
Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator
exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the
passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit
door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey.
The good news is that there are four parachutes, and
I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open
the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen,"
he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world
needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete
should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed
one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through
the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's
smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the
world's smartest man should have a parachute, too."
He grabbed a pack, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another.
Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I
have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss
of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you;
you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry,
pop. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing
my backpack."

[Theo9902]

One day, while walking to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me
and I went inside to talk to the manager. "Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?"


"Yes," he said. "They're retired prostitutes and they're having a Garage Sale."

[Theo9902]

Here's good news for a change: Eat All You Can, and Drink All You Can.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM !


HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"


The morale of the story is.......DON'T EXCERISE, IT WILL ONLY HURT YOUR
BODY JUST EAT AND BE MERRY.......... YEAH!



From Dr.WhoRHe

[Theo9902]

Subject: Guess what Susilo whispers.....





THE INDONESIAN IN LONDON

Susilo, a 'young' Indonesian tourist on his first visit to London, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it.
She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Eddie. They sit and talk, frolic a little, ! giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!", smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all
her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to
everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do.

So she goes over to Susilo and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And then Susilo leansforward and whispers! in her ear, ..........




scroll down































"Can I pay in Indonesian Rupiah?"

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office - aa

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- bb

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- cc

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- dd

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- ee

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- ff

[Theo9902]

Wonderful Signs for the Office -- some more

[Theo9902]

Just baby sitting

[Theo9902]

another good one :D

[Theo9902]

My boss lai liao:

[Aquarian]

Subject: FW: A Lawyer Story...-

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he

saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his

driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO eat

grass."

Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house

and I'll feed you!"

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,

under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with

me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love

my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

[Theo9902]

"***" is all I could say if this did happen to our society :(

I know is a joke :D

Subject: FW: A Lawyer Story...-

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he

saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his

driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO eat

grass."

Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house

and I'll feed you!"

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,

under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with

me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love

my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"

[Theo9902]

Cold one:

"Have a good laugh"

4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while
waiting for their wives birth giving.

Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
"congratulation, you got twins!".
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy. "I am working with
the Petronas Twin Towers".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
"congratulation! you have triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincident too" said the second daddy. ? "I am
working for 3M Corporation"

Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, ?
"Congratulation! Isteri you dapat kembar empat,"
"Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincident". "I kerja di Four Season Hotel!"

While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him,
why are you seems so worry??"

He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven!"

[Theo9902]

Engrish in China

[nuwater2002]

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."

Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"

Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.

When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great," he thought, "if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."

Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell.

Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity.

Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.

"So, how is everything going?" God asked.

Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place....with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?

"That was the demo," replied God.

[nuwater2002]

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !

Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water

[nuwater2002]

A Singapore PR (previously came from Malaysia) named Ah Meng was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Singapore Hell or to Malaysia Hell. Naturally, An Meng wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Malaysia Hell. There outside the door was Ah Lian, looking bored.

'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.

'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.

'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.

'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil, sometimes we don't have knives

[nuwater2002]

A Singapore English radio station, was holding a live radio segment at a shopping mall. The DJ was hosting a game show where prizes were given away to kids on stage if they could name the opposite gender of animals. The first kid to come on stage was a girl. "What's your name girl & how old are you?"

"My name is Cheryl & I am 8 years old."

"OK, tell me Cheryl, what is the opposite of cow?" "Bull."

"Very good! That's correct. Now here's a Barbie doll for you. Ladies & gentlemen, please give her a round of applause."

The game then continued for the next 15 minutes in a similar fashion with the kids getting all the simple questions correct until it was time for the 10th kid to come on stage. The audience were very impressed with this kid as he was very clever & articulate from the moment he stepped on stage, before being asked, announced, "My name is Johnny. I am 7 years old and I like English, Math & Art. My hobbies are collecting stamps & stickers."

The audience liked him immediately because of his confidence & had started to clap for him. His parents, standing right in front of the stage, were beaming with pride at how smart their son was.

"OK, Johnny, you should know the answer to this question very well. Close 2 eyes also can answer. Tell me, what is the opposite of cock?"

The young boy paused for a moment, scratched his head, moved closer to the microphone & finally answered proudly, "Chee Bai!"

[nuwater2002]

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it effectively when communicating their intentions. Just compare these few common phrases that S'poreans and Britons use to say the same thing:

When all has been sold out...
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
S'poreans: No Stock!

Returning a Call...
Britons: Hello, this is John Travolta. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
S'poreans: Hello, who page? or Siang Ka Pager?

When someone is in the way...
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Singaporeans: Lai, siam! or Siam ji bi! or S'kius!(excuse)

When someone offers to pay...
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Singaporeans: No need.

When asking for permission...
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Singaporeans: (while pointing at door) Can or Not?

When asking to be excused...
Britons: If you would excuse me for a moment, I have to go to the gents/ladies. Please carry on without me, it would only take a moment.
Singaporeans: Le tan, Wa ke pang jio! (wait while I visit the washroom) or Wah, buay ta han, ai choot liao! (cannot stand it anymore, have to relief myself)

When entertaining...
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Singaporeans: Don't shy, leh!

When doubting someone...
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Singaporeans: Where got?

When declining an offer...
Britons: I'd prefer no to do that, if you don't mind.
Singaporeans: Dowan, lah. (don't want)

When deciding on a plan of action...
Britons: What do you propose we do now that the movie's sold out and all the restaurants are closed?
Singaporeans: Then how?

When disagreeing on a topic of discussion...
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said.
Singaporeans: Le siow, ah? (are you crazy?)

When asking someone to lower their voice...
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Singaporeans: Mai kao beh, kao bu!

When asking someone if he/she knows you...
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Singaporeans: Kua si mi? (What are you looking at)

At the sports arena...
Briton: I say old chap, this really isn't cricket. The umpire's really hard on him today.
S'porean: Leflea (referee) KAYU!

When asking girls...
Briton: Would you go out with me?
S'porean: Ai gia steady mai? (Be my girlfriend)

[nuwater2002]

A husband with a computer addiction
My Dear Husband,

I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.

I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.

Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George--err--Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting.

Love,
Your Wife

[nuwater2002]

What movies teach us
COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS:
As depicted in movies,

Word processors never display a cursor.

You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.

All monitors display inch-high letters.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Corollary: you can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS" (see "Fortress").

All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.

All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function (see "Demolition Man" and countless others).

Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.

When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has (Aliens). However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three- dimensional,active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.

Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.

Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face (see "Alien", "2001").

[nuwater2002]

Ah Beng, Mohammad and Muthu were at sea when they were hijacked by a group of pirates.

The pirates cornered the 3 men and said "Give us all your valuables!" The chief pirate then raised a syringe and added, "Or else we'll inject you with the AIDS virus!"

Mohammad quickly stripped off all his valuables and handed them to the pirates. Satisfied, they threw him into the sea.

Muthu was equally quick to comply with the pirates' wishes. Similarly, he removed his valuables and surrendered them to the pirates. Like Mohammad, he was thrown into the sea.

Finally it came to Ah Beng's turn. He stared at the pirates and sneered. "You all kee see lah! (go and die!) Inject, inject lah, you'll never get my lolex and my JPG warret!"

The pirates, showing no mercy, injected Ah Beng with the HIV virus, and robbed him of his precious watch and wallet. They then threw him into the sea with the rest.

In the water, both Mohammad and Muthu commended Ah Beng for his bravery. However, they were pretty perplexed by why he was unafraid of the virus. Grinning, Ah Beng answered, "AIDS I not scared, what... I got condom!!!"

[SniperY]

Engrish in ChinaWahahahahaha...... i cant stop laughing after seeing this :D

[Theo9902]

I will have more to make you laugh.... :D

Wahahahahaha...... i cant stop laughing after seeing this :D

[Aquarian]

wow, so many contribution, very good one bro nuwater

here is mine, how to spot the millionaire??

[Theo9902]

Blind one also can spot :D

wow, so many contribution, very good one bro nuwater

here is mine, how to spot the millionaire??

[Aquarian]

got another one but too x-rated to post here :)

Blind one also can spot :D

Don't ever underestimate an Indian !!!
>
>
>
> Kuttappan is a Indian
>
> Kuttappan was bragging to his Boss one day, "You know..... I know
>everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone important, and I'm
>sure I will know them."
>
> Tired of his boasting, his Boss called his bluff, "OK, Kuttappan, how
>about Tom Cruise?" Kuttappan replies "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends,
>and I can prove it."
>
> So Kuttappan and his Boss fly out to Hollywood and knock, on Tom
>Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts," Hey Kutz!! Great to
>see you! You and your friend must come in and join me for lunch!"
>
> They have a blast of a time. Katie Holmes even personally packs 2 sets
>of Masala Dosas, which is of course specially made by their South Indian
>chef. They bid each other farewell.
>
> Although impressed, Kuttappan's Boss is still skeptical. After they
>leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he thinks Kuttappan's knowing
>Cruise was just lucky. Kuttappan says "No, no, you go ahead and just name
>anyone else." "President Bush!" his Boss quickly retorts. Kuttappan says
>"Yes, OK, but I am telling you I don't like him very much, he is very
>cunning, anyway let's fly out to Washington."
>
> And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Kuttappan on the tour
>and motions him and his Boss over, saying, "Kuttans! What a surprise, I was
>just on my way to a meeting. The CIA just informed me Osama is heading for
>the Pakistan Border, Hey Kuttans, are you still on speaking terms with
>Osama, maybe you could confirm the information for me? Oh never mind! You
>and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch
>up."
>
> Well, the Boss is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
>After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to
>Kuttappan who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope!" his Boss
>replies.
>
> "Sure! This I like, I've been meaning to see him, he is not keeping too
>well y'know" says Kuttappan. "And I have a lot of friends in Vatican; it's
>like my second home! And me and the Pope go back a long way, surely this
>will be a good trip"
>
> So off they fly to Rome. Kuttappan and his Boss are assembled with the
>masses in Vatican Square when Kuttappan says, "This will never work. I
>can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know
>all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony
>with the Pope." The Boss shakes his head unbelievably and says "Yeah
>right!!"
>
> Still so, Kuttappan disappears into the crowd, headed towards the
>Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Kuttappan emerges with the Pope on
>the balcony, waves to the crowds with the Pope and takes leave. But by the
>time Kuttappan returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and
>is surrounded by paramedics.
>
> Working his way to his Boss' side, Kuttappan asks him, "What happened?"
>
> His Boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope
>came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, and "Who's that on the
>balcony with Kuttappan?

[SniperY]

got another one but too x-rated to post here :)



Bro, make me remember of one fellow which he claimed that he knows everyone :D

[nuwater2002]

Bro Aquarian
Money world so money talk

Great Jokes

[Theo9902]

Enjoy! :D

[Theo9902]

More cartoons:

[Aquarian]

If you are using our express way, make sure u are prepared for this. Firstly, u need to have Enough Cash in Pocket (ECP), because u have To Pay Entry(TPE) fee. Then when u are driving, u can find Traffic Polices Everywhere (TPE). If u are unlucky and caught speeding, then the Penalty Is Expensive (PIE). Most of the time, u also Kenna Jams Everywhere (KJE). When u complain to Luxury Tax Authority (LTA), they said Be Kind and Easy (BKE).
Welcome to share your story.

[Theo9902]

The Scenario:


You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?




Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...

Scroll Down for Answer...




Answer: Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round" idiot.

:D

[Theo9902]

World Cup Joke

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're sh*te and we can't be bothered."

Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself-you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!

A few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on.

"Result from the Stadium 'Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)."

They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, no, I have, I've let you down...I got sent off after 12 minutes."

[Theo9902]

Cantoons:

Enjoy :D

[Aquarian]

1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you
run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked
lady, I'll turn into
stone. A part of me is getting hard already!

(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !

(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress while
thinking a name of his
country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...

(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women because
every-night men get fresh
milk & 2 big papayas
women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of
starch!

(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?
"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? "
"Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"

(6) SERVICE
Sex is like a restaurant.
Sometimes you get full satisfactory service, and
sometimes you have to be
satisfied with self-service"

(7) HAPPY MAN
What makes a happy man?
Daughter on the cover of cosmo.
Son on the cover of sports illustrated.
Mistress on the cover of playboy
and .. Wife on the cover of "missing
persons"

(8) SWIMSUIT
Why was the 2-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the HAIRY section from the DAIRY
section.

(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u
can tell a woman to take
off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

(10) DENTIST
Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll
rather have a baby
than
have a tooth removed."
Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll adjust the
chair accordingly."

[condor]

--------------------------------------------------
>
> Girl : Do you love me ?
> Boy : Yes Dear
> Girl : Would you die for me ?
> Boy : No, mine is undying love
>
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Man : How old is your father ?
> Boy : As old as me
> Man : How can that be ?
> Boy : He became a father only when I was born
>
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
> Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
>
> ------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog"is exactly the same as
your
brother's. Did u copy his?
> Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
>
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you
anything!
> Son : That's why I say she's no good!
>
> --------------------------------------------------
>
> Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
> Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in
this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
> College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> "Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters
who
will be coming to school."
> "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say
when
u told her u are the only child?"
> "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
>
> ---------------------------------------------------

[condor]

> Teacher: "Where were u born?"
> Student: "Singapore, Sir."
> Teacher: "Which part?"
> Student: "All of me, Sir."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
> Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
> Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
> Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between
'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
> Only one hand shot up.
> "Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.
> "'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal
is
a sick eagle."
>
> ---------------------------------------------------
>
> Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
> Dentist : $90.00.
> Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes work???
> Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------
>
> Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
> Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
> Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
> Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------
>
> A boy came home from school with his exam results.
> "What did u get?" asked his father.
> "My marks are under water," said the boy.
> "What do u mean 'under water'?"
> "They are all below 'C' level"

[Theo9902]

Enjoy..................

I was shocked and disappointed when I came to picture three:

[condor]

Not a joke seriously

[Theo9902]

revenge time :D

Not a joke seriously

[Theo9902]

A man is in court. The Judge says, "on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any
noise.

The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to
charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"

He replied "He is my next door neighbor".

The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".

The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!

[Theo9902]

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break upwith him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

[Theo9902]

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation,

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

[Theo9902]

A biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested , "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why, thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously. Then said, "I am a lonely old lady without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish
me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chicken's, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."

[Theo9902]

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times...but this one is real, and it's important.

So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If people come to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warming weather and ask you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up,

DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM!!

They only want to see you naked...

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

[Aquarian]

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their
way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.They rub the
lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,I will allow one
wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I wantto be in the Bahamas, on a
fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with
beautiful girls, plenty of food and ****tails."
Pfufffff, and he Was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK
FIRST"*

[Aquarian]

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,and my secretary has
left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
pressed the startbutton.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I
just need one copy."

*LESSON II - NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS
EVERYTHING.*

LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American
turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are
you

Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

*LESSON III - NEVER INSULT ANYONE

[Aquarian]

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this
small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had
released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of
you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of
Water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool
immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so Happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and Immersed himself into
a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so Contented with his
beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He steps on a
banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!!........."

*LESSON IV- THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE
SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN.*

[Aquarian]

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was In charge. Each organ
took a turn to speak up:

Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it Wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
*******.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the ******* very mad. To prove his point, the
******* immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the
body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the ******* be in charge.

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW
IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS
THE ******* THAT IS IN
CHARGE.*

[Theo9902]

The IRS decides to audit Ed, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ed shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ed. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go
ahead." Ed says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite
my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ed removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ed says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ed isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ed removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ed's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ed asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ed stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ed's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ed told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over an IRS official's desk and that you'd
be happy about it."

[Theo9902]

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland. To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'

The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says, 'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain
what happened.'

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding
that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says, 'OK.'

'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'

Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'

'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'

[Theo9902]

Jeff was seeing his doctor. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Your wife has syphillis."

"Jeez! What could possibly be good news."

"She didn't get it from you."

[Theo9902]

This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring
a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.

Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"

LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."

Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

End of the interview.

[Theo9902]

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened
to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and
bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched ME all night long."

[condor]

The 100 Bricks Test

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

If they are counting the bricks, put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them, put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in operations.

If they are sleeping, put them in reception.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle, put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day, put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window, put them on strategic planning.

Last but not least, if they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.

[condor]

:):):):):)

[Theo9902]

Some Chinese Carton:

[Aquarian]

like the local version cartoon, chin ho kua (very nice)

[Theo9902]

very ah beng right? :cool:

like the local version cartoon, chin ho kua (very nice)

[Theo9902]

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man And your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and said, "I want to hang with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me." God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes." Well," said! Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, and said, "hold on."
And God went to His Celestial super-computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "But according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."